How To Deal

Enjoy this excerpt from my New Online Course,

The Energy Element… Coming Soon!

My thirty minutes of meditation in the morning is my favorite time of the day. Sitting quietly, relaxing my body and mind. Thirty minutes to sit still and do absolutely nothing. Answering no one. Just feeling what I feel in my body as my thoughts bubble up and float by. This is the best place to deal with all of the things that are troubling me or keeping me stuck in a situation I don’t like.

This morning I was so relaxed; I felt an itch on my shoulder. Now, sometimes, I’ll scratch it and move on, but this morning I was too deep in to care. Just a few moments of my conscious attention focused on the itch and it was gone. I kept checking back to see if it was itching but it wasn’t. All I had to do was feel it.

This happens too with my feet or my knees. I’ll feel pain or discomfort and will shift to give myself relief rather than just allowing myself relief by feeling through the physical sensation. And I notice, when I do that typically I soon find another spot of discomfort. You know what happens when you scratch an itch… most times it gets itchier.

It occurred to me how often we think we need to physically manipulate our outside circumstances to make ourselves comfortable.

The biggest misconception most people have about their negative feelings (worry, anger, anxiety, fear, irritation, etc…) is that if we let ourselves actually feel them, they’ll never go away. This is a complete falsity.

To the contrary… the ONLY thing that allows the uncomfortable feelings to move is our allowing ourselves to notice, feel them and let them move without getting into some story in our mind about why we feel them. (Kids, partners, bosses, traffic, bills… etc)

Our feelings are our own. Every feeling we have ever felt is absolutely valid. Our feelings are our natural reaction to our life experiences and the best kind of information. When we truly understand this and stop judging ourselves for feeling what we feel, or being angry at another for having their own natural feelings everything in our life gets easier to deal with.

We no longer take anything personally. We can begin to realize that our reaction to life comes from our (your age here) years on this earth and what we’ve learned by how our parents and communities reacted to things.

We can learn to take control of our lives and actually NOT react, but feel what we feel in any given situation to find out what our next move should be.

Not reacting but feeling what you feel will always help to diffuse a situation. Many times I’ve noticed my initial reaction is a bit “over the top” for the scenario. I can feel and recognize I am WAY more upset about the current situation than is actually warranted and save myself and others further upset.

Your feelings are valid. That being said, some of them are caused by superficial circumstances that truly don’t warrant our attention. Who said what makes absolutely no difference. Who did what is much the same. Actually the cause for the deep level of upset or irritation is typically something that happened in our childhood or earlier life.

The beauty of not reacting in these moments is that you get to keep this all contained. You don’t have to make a big fuss and upset someone else that has no idea why you’re mad. They probably weren’t even a part of the picture when the real reason (the seed situation) for your upset happened to you and created the dense energy that keeps recreating similar situations in your life.

Stop giving people so much control over your life by worrying how they are acting and what they are saying. You get happy and feel every feeling that comes through your body and you’ll notice that people won’t say ugly or upsetting things to you. You’ll notice that as you stop judging and criticizing yourself in your mind, the world will become a more pleasant and approving place.

It’s only OUR OWN judgments and criticisms that come back around in our life experience as others judging and criticizing us. You stop doing it to yourself and it will stop happening in your outer life experience. You have to be your own kindest, most gentle and soothing cheerleader.

Notice every time you want to speak critically of another. Why? Did you take something they said or did personally? That wasn’t about you. It’s about them. Always. The way you react is about you. You can try to make it about you or just feel it and move on. If it’s not true there is absolutely no need to defend yourself.

If it IS true, recognize where you feel the upset, hurt or frustration in your body and allow the energy to shift and move. The next time it happens, you’ll notice it doesn’t bother you so much. And if you continue with this you’ll never be upset for long by another’s actions, regardless of who they are and what they do. You’ll know it’s not about you.

So on the flip side of that coin, what you do and how you react is solely about YOU. It’s not about them, what they said or did.

Your angry outburst or harsh reaction to a situation is all about YOU. No one else. Relax into your feelings and find the comfort of your own power. Know that as you allow this feeling to pass without giving it energy (by blogging about it, sharing it on Facebook or calling ten friends to cuss and discuss,) you are steadily and surely regaining your power.

There will come a time when you can sit back and smile at the chaos around you, no matter what it is. You won’t feel like you’re “dealing” with anything. You’ll respond peacefully and easily to any circumstance.

Knowing that you are doing what you need to be doing to create the life you want, nothing anyone else does or says will ever bother you. You’ll still have moments of upset and irritation, believe me. But they won’t last near as long and you won’t take them personally when you understand the truth of how the world works.

The Energy Element Online CourseClick to pre-order at the Intro Price – $99

Once the course is up and running you’ll receive an email with Log-in instructions to the email address you specify in your order.

Start 2014 with ease and excitement – Book a set of Sessions with Crystal

Surfacing

Sisters with Bunny

Johanna, Bunny, Melody and Me in Oct 2012

I feel like I’m just beginning to come up for air. I’ve been out of touch for the past couple of weeks. My experience was difficult, but one I’m truly happy to have had.

My sister Johanna and I spent ten days caring for our 89 yr old grandmother with dementia. I’ve been completely out of the “internet” loop and off the computer. My cell phone service was terrible and they don’t have wifi so plugging in was the only option… after I ran out my data plan using my own hotspot. Oops. And aside from that, I didn’t care.

My grandmother is the matriarch of our family. Strong and prideful. Her house always clean and perfectly decorated. The fridge always filled with fresh and delicious food. I remember eating yummy sandwiches on wooden trays with thinly sliced bread, swiss cheese and avocados. And there were always Fritos, her favorite. She has great taste and beautiful clothes. Always classy and elegant with more than a touch of wild and mean. Her house, her rules. “This is not a gymnasium.” That’s how I remember her.

She’s still in there. We’d get glimpses here and there. But much of the time she wanted to sleep. We tried talking to her about her younger life and ours. We’d get moments of clarity, then she’d be gone again. Her only concerns were with having her bags packed, her purse and keys, her dog, Runner’s lead and who’s picking her up. She’s ready to go home.

Leaving her with my parents and coming home to try to get back into the swing of things has been interesting. Trading my laptop for holding, supporting and gently guiding my Grandmother around had a profound effect on me. I was shocked how familiar she felt to me.

Everything about her, I felt I knew. Even though I haven’t spent much time with her in the past 20 or more years and certainly have never been so close as we were in these past days. It’s me. So many things about her are me.

I’m still processing the experience; finding comfort and clarity in what I’ve discovered.

It’s not over. I’m still moving through the energy of it all. Alternately crying and laughing over scenarios I recall or remembering a picture I saw or letter I read. We’re all so closely connected. All intertwined in this game of life. Our lives weaving in and out of each others so seamlessly you don’t even realize that which is you, is also them.

Make no mistake. We are all here for a very important reason. To be our very best and happiest selves. To take what we’ve been given by all those around us and make it into something we love and appreciate.

It’s not always easy, but it can be done. It won’t happen immediately, although it can. Usually, it takes some time and reflection.

When we let ourselves truly feel in our body what we’re experiencing, instead of only thinking about it, it isn’t so difficult. It feels more familiar and comforting. Our minds tend to separate us, but our feelings will always bring us home.

Allow yourself your habitual thought processes at first, give yourself a break and just notice the direction your thoughts are taking. As you expand your awareness it will be easier and easier to separate yourself from the scenario.

Whatever your struggles may be these days, be so soft with yourself. We are such tender human beings.

Every feeling you have ever felt is absolutely valid. You are experiencing your experience and that was the way you felt. No worries at all.

Begin to give yourself the gift of just feeling what you feel, without any commentary from your mind. It will certainly be a transition if you’re one that is critical or judgmental of yourself and others, but you can do it. I’m here to help.

All my love to you,
Crystal

Find yourself in others and you’ll always know the truth.